Rated X Rant

*adult content*

When you think you can handle it, you are bloody lying to yourself. You think anger is an emotion you can check, just as any other. Just as you once thought you could check love. A lie. When you know that you don't fear anything or anyone, you become a fucking fool. Just when you think you've found yourself a life, you have it taken away.

You fuck yourself, rape your soul in the worst possible way and they see it as a show of strength they never knew you had. Is it the world that's being a cunt? Or am I?

I love you. The biggest epidemic lie. Often unknown to the sayer and the listener, it is the largest, widest and most happily sodomised asshole of a phrase.

What the fuck do I care if the world loves sodomy? I don't. Cause it leaves you a pitiable, regretful little pile of weakly pungent, rotten shit.

Leaves you wondering why.Why did you love such sodomy? Why did you feel fake bliss? Have you just become a dollop of faeces only now that it's over? Or, without knowing it, Have you always been one?

Thinking Aloud

What the fuck!

What?

Nothing.

C'mon, its not nothing...

It is, okay... Now shut the fuck up n leave me in peace will you?

Fine. If you don't want to discuss it I understand.......

.......

...... So, you heard about the 'Nailcutter' incident?

I thought you were going to leave....

Why? I never said I was going to leave did I? You see, this is where you get things wrong... You ASSUMED I was going to leave when I'd never confirmed your....

Grr.. Hmpff!

Now you're making strange sounds again....

Think I'm going to strangle you pretty soon if you keep going like this...

Like what? Also, I must point out: Bit difficult given that I'm just a figment of your imagination. Dont you think?....

.......

? Oh, the silent treatment... Nice :)

.......

Fine... If you so wish :)

.......

.......

Afraid of responsibility?? Me? How could she say that?!!

Oh, so thats what's...

Thats like.... Like...

Like?

Like spiderman having arachnophobia...

(chuckle) Hehe..

... like.. Dravid being scared of the short ball... or..

:) Right.

... like.. like... uh...

Like Himmesh afraid of owls hooting at night?

Yaa... or like...

Yeah..... Dude, you must know when to stop.... :)

:) Hmm.. Yeah, I must... Anyway, so you get my point?...

Nope. What point?

Phff! Never mind......

Life is much like Physics: To make sense of anything, all you need is Time and Space...

Anger

Cold.

Clean.

Shooting.

Soothing.

Washing through my veins at a hundred miles per second.

Agonising.

Violent.

Calm.

Pleasure.

Pain.

Sharp.

White.

Pure.

Alive.

Orgasmic.

Spiritual.

RAGE!!!

Liberate me.......

(Photo: http://z.about.com/d/healing/1/0/u/F/1/white-light.jpg)

Andaman 7: Kaalapani and The Lost Citadel

May 8
2200 hrs
Port Blair

From the year 1857 till about 1938, Ross Island used to be a beautiful British citadel, the administrative headquarters of the British Penal Colony in the Andamans. In its heyday, the 200 acre island had earned the sobriquet 'Paris of the East'. Today, it stands, a relegated 70 acre piece of land of tourist and historical interest, demolished by two major earthquakes six decades apart and a Tsunami and raped of its beauty by human greed..... This little island off Port Blair sure has some stories to tell.

The Cellular Jail, a.k.a Kaalapani, is a popular tourist attraction in Port Blair. Its construction was completed in 1906 and was meant to hold deported prisoners during the British rule. It was an imposing structure of seven wings (of which only 3 remain) stretching radially outward from a central tower, capable of holding 698 prisoners at a time. Many Indian freedom fighters have served time here, the most celebrated among them being Vinayak Damodar 'Veer' Savarkar. Prisoners at Kaalapani were subjected to physical and mental torture of the severest form. They were made to do extremely hard physical labour and were flogged in public as punishment. Its a place with a horrifying past..... The Light and Sound show wasn't that great though.

A note must be made of Anuradha Rao, our enterprising guide at Ross Island. She's a fourth generation local and a treasure trove of knowledge. She spoke from the heart and it was evident that she cared about the place. You find deer, peacocks, ducks and squirrels roaming free on Ross Island and they all magically respond to her. She feeds, medicates and looks after them herself. I could go on and on. But it will suffice to say that people like her are few.

Our Journey ends here. We'll be leaving for the mainland early tomorrow morning. We leave the islands wishing we had a lot more time to spend here. 6 days is way too short as it is, but when it passes in the blink of an eye, you really feel cheated. Ironically, returning to our mechanized existance on the mainland from The Andamans feels like deportation of sorts.... But of course, while travelling, the advance booked air ticket is the law........

I should probably stop rambling and get packing. Naah, will do it tomorrow.

Anyway, thats all folks!

Andaman 6: The Jarwas and Baratang

May 7
1845 hrs
Port Blair

Middle Andaman is entirely forested and uncivilised (for lack of a better word), populated by the Jarwa tribes of Andaman. It is a dense, thick rainforest with just one commutalbe road that connects North and South Andaman. And since this is a forest reserve and a protected tribal habitat, commuting by this road requires a special permit from the forest dept. Vehicle convoys in limited number are allowed to pass the checkposts at the stroke of every hour. Its a 3-4 hour jurney through thrilling, unraped mountainous jungles. And its commonplace to sight tribals along the way. Commuters aren't allowed to stop or take pictures.

The Jarwa Tribals are short and of coal dark complexion. Both man and women have extremely short, often braided hair. Sometimes they are found wearing a leaf garment below the waist but mostly they attire in birthday suits. Although few of the tribeswomen seen today were in house coats and some children in shorts. Obviously for the misplaced generosity by the superior ones among us. A solitary tribal we saw earlier today scampered away on seeing the convoy and crouched behind a tree watching alertly. Its uncetrain whether that was a man or a woman. We came across only women and children thereafter. There was a mother calmly breastfeeding a child on a pavement beside the road. Others we saw were mostly in groups. They waved, they hollered, they cheered, they jeered at the passing cars. They probably were just as curious and amused by this wierd humankind, a tad overdressed in bark, zipping past in funny shaped moving huts.....

But what took us aback was a tribal kid hollering something that sounded distinctly like "Humara photo nai nikalneka!" It turns out that they've picked up our language through this limited contact with the world outside. They're said to have unbelievably powerful memory....

We also visited limestone caves and a mud volcano (oozing liquid cementlike mud and gases from tiny pores on a mound) in the Baratang area today. And we did glimpse a sunbathing croc in the mangrove swamps from a distance.

Andaman 5: A few sites of South Andaman and a Tsunami

May 6
2140 hrs
Port Blair

The Tsunami of 2004 was quite a disaster for this string of islands. The loss has been immense and the islands are yet to come to terms with it. Loss of life, livelihoods, homes, land, natural wealth... The famed coral life of the Andamans was damaged and destroyed in many parts. The entire archipelago is said to have sunk a metre.

We were on our way back from our days visits to Wandoor beach (not much fun), The rubber estates (informative), and Chidiya Tapu (pic) (a beautiful sunset point on a forest shore, home to many species of birds and lodge to many migratory ones). Subhash Roy, our guide, recounted many of the Tsunami stories as we drove past half sunk houses, some reduced to mere pillars of cement, in the still unreceded tsunami waters in the low lying areas of Port Blair district. Stories of shock, panic, disaster, death, heroism, hope... Subhash's entire village fled to the mountains and stayed up there for nearly 2 months. Refugees survived mainly on coconuts. Dead bodies were piled up and burnt in mass. Who was cremated, who was buried, nobody cared or kept count. Death does not recognise religion, wealth, cast or creed.... Death is impartial and its verdict final.

Strangely, fishermen who were out in the open sea were shocked when the returned to find their villages destroyed. They had no clue of the currents raging kilometers below the ocean surface.... However, it makes sense when you come to think of it. The high waves, we know, are formed when the ocean currents hit the continental shelf and rise up. Out in the open sea, one wouldn't feel anything amiss, except that the sea would be unusually shallow (since the water has risen at the continental shelves). And the shallowness of the sea is hard to guess without at least a landmass at the horizon for reference...

Another interesting fact was that the tribals of Car Nicobar lost no lives even though the island was along the worst hit. The tribals had migrated to higher mountains before the first tremors were felt in the region... So much for the assumed superiority of us civilised ones...

We will be visiting the tribal regions of Jarwa (Middle Andaman) early tomorrow morning. And I mean real early. 3:45 am!

On the bright side, I get to witness a 4:15 am sunrise for the first time ever...... Yes. Thats what time the sun rises here!

Andaman 4: The Marco Polos of Havelock

May 5
1600 hrs
at sea, somewhere between Havelock and Port Blair

Today has been cloudy and dull weatherwise. However, given that we've been treated like thanksgiving turkey the past few days, we call this pleasant. Left Havelock behind at 2 pm, we're onboard a four hour ferry to Port Blair.

Having nothing in store for the morning, Devi and I (known henceforth as the cooler ones), hired a splendor on rent and took off. Not before some expected opposition from amma and achan. Splendor being a geared vehicle that I apparently donot know to handle. Anyway, we were off...

We must've covered most places in Havelock connected by road. We even retraced our route to Radhanagar. Spoke to a few locals, discovered farms of tomato, pumpkin, gourd and ladies finger, learnt that the ladies finger plant blooms a beautiful yellow (see pic), found havelock a small world where we met and remet other strangers on bikes often along the way.... We simply followed the roads till they ended, usually in beaches, mud paths or dead ends... Finally after 3 short hours, we reached back at the resort content and famished.

Fried Fish couldn't have been too far....

Andaman 3: Day at the Beaches, Havelock

May 4
1930 hrs
Havelock

Havelock is a small island known for its beaches and watersports. About 7o % of the land is covered by tropical rainforests. Two of the popular beaches here are the Elephant Beach and Radhanagar, both of which we visited today.

The Elephant Beach is a coral lagoon inaccessible by road as it is at the edge of a forest. Calm, shallow waters and the coral life make this lagoon ideal for snorkeling and scuba diving. Devi and I spent hours snorkeling the waters this morning. The definition of life changes underwater. Sub sea-level its all about colour and design. And the fish do have a sense of fashion...

The route to Radhanagar is a beautiful drive over hills through farms and forests. This is your typical sunday beach with high waves. Only, its more beautiful than you can ever imagine. The waves are the colour of green jade, the sand shimmering white and the colour of the sunset sky can't be degraded to limitations of language and vocabulary... Little wonder that it is rated among the seven best beaches in Asia.

Aah! All wet after my third shower today (excluding the ones in salt water) I sit in our room at the Dolphin resort tired and hungry. Eagerly looking forward to the fried fish awaiting my happy consumption.....

Andaman 2: A Lifetime in a Furnace

May 3

1300 hrs

Port Blair

This certainly isn't my idea of a holiday!! Packing into a little over 3 sq. ft. of shade in a scorching furnace of a boat jetty at Port Blair. What are we doing here?? Waiting for a boat. Not much... Just another 3 hours!!! Grrr... Whosoever's plan that was!

Earlier this morning we landed in Port Blair, and were welcomed by a swarm of taxiwalas. Literally. A bunch of them just attacked us. One of them grabbed our luggage trolley and walked away, beckoning us to follow... Finally, we managed to pick one of them and tell the others off.... Autowallas, taxiwallas and bus conductors are representatives of their city/town/village to visiting outsiders. Their conduct and culture gets easily projected onto that of the place and people. They must realise the responsibility that puts on their shoulders....... That goes for the drunk autowalla in Chennai as well. Anyway... Subhash Roy, our taxiwalla turned our to be a pleasant guy. He put us into his Omni and drove us over the curvy and hilly streets of Port Blair to the Boat jetty...

People of the Andamans mainly speak Hindi although a good fraction has Bengali roots, like Subhash. Anyway, our immediate destination is an island called Havelock, where we stay two days... And for that boatride to Havelock, we wait........

Oh, I almost forgot. It was strange rendezvous.... I'd gone for a walk outside the boat jetty out of sheer boredom. The streets were empty and I was walking in the sun like an idiot. When a boy, 20 years or so, clad in saffron, two horizontal bhasmam marks on the forehead, caught up with my trot.

"Phutbal khelne jaa rahe ho kya?" he quips with an amused grin. I was in shorts.

After waiting a second longer than necessary to comprehend i reply, "Aapke paas toh lungi hai. Itni garmi me pehnne ke liye mere paas shorts hi toh hai.." I try to equal his amusement but fail..

"Gussa aapke naak pe chadha rehta hai", he says as if revealing a secret.

"huh, kyun?"

We walked a bit and he made quite a few 'revelations' along the way. Mostly good ones. That I'll be very lucky in life. That I'll earn a lot more than my parents. That I'll rule the territory my forefathers once ruled. (My grandad was a school headmaster. Thats the best my forefathers have managed, in my knowledge.)

"Aaj subah neend khulne par mai ne aapka chehra dekha" he said in an impish mystic tone.

Seeing that i wasn't buying it, he went on to say that I was born near a 'puja sthan'. (True. In Alleppey, Kerala, you are never too far from a temple.) And, that I donot remember my dreams in the morning. (Well, I can't remember whether i remember them or not. So lets say partly true.) I told him in good nature that i donot believe in these things much and our little banter continued.

Laxman was from U.P. and had come down to meet some 'baba' n do some puja. We said our byes and best wishes as I had to return to the jetty... I half expected him ask for dakshina for all the unsought gyaan he'd spouted, readying myself to refuse. But all he did before leaving was smile....

Judged him too soon, i guess. Shouldn't have...